I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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