i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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