you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
