this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
