Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
