I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
