What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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