He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
