How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I would fuck him just for his dog
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