Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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