Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
