are you still at the devil's house?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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