if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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