Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
