addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize