escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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