My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
