i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm jealous of your bromance
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
