just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
