They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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