i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
