Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If I had your ass I would rule the world
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
