summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
