its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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