Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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