I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just found puke in my bra..
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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