im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
