How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
