Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
