About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize