I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
