I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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