it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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