I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
