I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
