Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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