There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
These tits shall not be calmed
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
