omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
When are your genitals available?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize