i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
