I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
