i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
