I need help removing her.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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