Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
