I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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