Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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