My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
