he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
