you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
