It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
