She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
me + whiskey = a bad person
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
