I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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