Soap is not a condiment
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
