you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
