I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
