So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
