I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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