Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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