My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
