Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Randomize
