thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
