So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
