I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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