If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
