If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
