We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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