I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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