wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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