She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My vagina just recognized that song.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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